Sunday, November 27, 2016

Sacrament Talk 11-27-2016

(I am skipping the traditional introduction part.)




I was given the topic of continuing in faith and hope. For me, and I know for a lot of people, this has been a faith-trying year. President Hunter said, ”I have observed that life - every life - has a full share of ups and downs. Indeed, we see so many joys and sorrows in the world, many changed plans and new directions, many blessings that do not look or feel like blessings, and much that humbles us and improves our patience and our faith. We have all had those experiences from time to time, and I suppose we always will.” (Teachings of the Prophets, President Hunter, Chapter 3 - Adveristy) 

When I was asked to speak, I had just been through one of the hardest trials I have experienced, both emotionally and physically. Yet in the middle of that particular trial, I was reminded repeatedly to have faith in the Lord, trust in Him and His timing, and I felt his love for me. Oddly enough, getting asked to speak on this particular topic was one of those reminders that God knows and loves me. 

How does one continue in faith and hope?

The scripture that was given with the topic was Colossians 1:23. It says, ”continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard.” Like me, I’m sure most people can say that just by continuing to live and do what we need to, we can say we are continuing in faith. Continue means to persist in an activity or process. But isn’t there more to it that we should be working toward? Yes. Looking at the footnotes provides a deeper meaning. Changing out words in the verse with words offered in the footnotes provides more depth and additional insight to the principle.. When you replace the words, the phrase becomes, ”persevere in the faith established and steadfast, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel.”

While merely continuing with faith is good and sometimes we need to do it, we need to make the choice to trust on the Lord every single day. Persevere is a much stronger word choice. Persevere means to persist in anything undertaken, maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement. We have to make the choice daily to have faith in God. And it’s not just any faith, it’s the faith we have established and is steadfast. It’s the faith that we have worked on from the moment we learned and believed the gospel. From that faith, we can feel hope. Not any hope, but specifically the hope of the gospel - the hope that there is more beyond this life, the hope that families are forever, the hope that God is with us every step of the way, and so much more. 

The first principle of the gospel is faith, as we learn in the 4th Article of Faith. We know from Alma that faith is not knowledge, but a hope for things that are true (Alma 32:21). Moroni taught us that faith is things hoped for and not seen (Ether 12:6). 

President Uchtdorf in his talk to the sisters in September 2015 gave a great parable of faith and hope. A young girl was sent to spend a summer with her great-aunt while her  mom had a surgery. Like all of us who have trials, she really didn’t want it. At the end of the summer, after she had grown to enjoy her experience, she had a conversation with her aunt about why her aunt was so happy. Her aunt shared with her, ”There is enough that doesn’t go right in life, so anyone can work themselves into a puddle of pessimism and a mess of melancholy... God didn’t design us to be sad. He created us to have joy! So if we trust in Him, He will help us notice the good, bright, hopeful things of life. No, it doesn’t happen instantly, but honestly, how many good things do? Seems to me the best things...take patience and work.” And then the aunt shared her secret of how she gained her happiness despite the trials she was given. ”I discovered faith. And faith led to hope. And faith and hope gave me the confidence that one day everything would make sense, that because of the Savior, all wrongs would be made right... Faith and hope will open your eyes to the happiness that is placed before you.”

Moroni said, ”Wherefore, if a man have faith, he must needs have hope; for without faith, there cannot be any hope.” (Moroni 7:42) Faith and hope go hand in hand. If we have faith, we will have the hope of the gospel to help us persevere through even our hardest trials. 

Elder Neil Andersen of the Quorum of the Twelve said, ”Faith never demands an answer to every question but seeks the assurance and courage to move forward, sometimes acknowledging, ‘I don’t know everything, but I do know enough to continue on the path of discipleship.” (Faith is Not by Chance, But by Choice, October 2015) 

It takes courage to keep going when life is throwing experiences at you. We will not know everything. We can have faith and believe that through the Savior everything will be made right eventually, either in this life or after our time in mortality is completed. 

President Uchtdorf in his address to the sisters in September of this year said, ”Faith means that we trust not only in God’s wisdom, but that we trust also in His love. It means trusting that God loves us perfectly, that everything he does - every blessing He gives and every blessing he, for a time, withholds - is for our eternal happiness.” (Fourth floor, Last Door, September 2016)

This talk was delivered while I was in the middle of my trial after I had put my trust in Heavenly Father and made a choice to go to the stake women’s retreat, even though I wasn’t feeling like I was able to go and was afraid I would not have a good time. I exercised my faith, and I learned even more about the Lord’s love for me. I went and I enjoyed almost every minute, even though it was hard. I know that every blessing he gives, and even the blessings the Lord sometimes keeps from us, is so that we can be eternally happy, even though we wonder how it will ever work out for us. In my trial, I have often wondered if it will all work out, but through faith and hope in the Lord, I get the peace and assurance that it will work out.

So how can we establish and ground our faith so that it is steadfast during our trials?

It’s the things we always talk about regularly. We need to read the scriptures and pray daily. We can serve and share our testimonies with others. By doing those things, our testimonies will be strengthened, and the Lord will be able to let us know through inspiration what we can do to help our faith become stronger. That way when the trials do come, we are able to rely on  our Heavenly Father and Savior for the strength to ”press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope”. (2 Nephi 31:20) 

Again we learn from Alma (Alma 32:28) that faith is like a seed, and as the primary song goes, “faith is like a little seed, if planted it will grow.” As we do what we are asked to do by the Lord and our leaders and trust in the Lord, our seed of faith will grow and take root. Just like roots take hold of the earth, and as we care for the roots, they get stronger through constant nourishment. So it is with our faith. The more we work on our faith and nourish it, the stronger it becomes. When our faith is strong, so is our hope that God is in charge and everything will work out for our good. 

During my trial, I wrote a poem to get down my feelings, and to remind myself that God loves me and is always there for me. Because of my faith that I had worked on and nourished, I could rely on Him when everything else didn’t make any sense. 

The poem reads: 

My God is very mindful/ Of the person that I am.
He’s pushing me to do/ The very best that I can. 
Sometimes this life is harder/ Than I ever thought it’d be.
But my God who watches over/ Blesses and cares for me. 
I don’t always get the answers/ That I ask for when I pray
But God knows what I need/ Before I even say.
And when I come to Him in tears/ He holds me in his arms
And tells me that he loves me so/ And makes me feel so warm.
I know that he is watching./ I know he feels my pain.
But even through the sorrow/ There is so much I gain. 
Patience in my trials/ Courage to stand tall.
Love to give to others/ My God is Lord of all.

My trial didn’t come to the happy close I would have liked at the time, but I have faith in my God. My faith is stronger because of my trial. Because of my faith, I have hope that everything will work out. And because of the faith and hope, I have felt God’s love for me, and I have confidence that one day, all of the blessings that I seek for will be mine. 


I know that as we exercise our faith we are blessed. As we persevere in the faith that we have established through our daily actions, we will have the hope to see the light that is all around us. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life and for the hope and peace it gives me. I know that Heavenly Father lives and loves us. He loves us so much that he sent his Only Begotten Son here to earth to perform the atonement so that we may repent and return to live with him again. I know that this is the fullness of the gospel restored to the earth through the Prophet Joseph Smith. I know that President Monson leads the church with authority from God today. I know that we’ve come to this earth to gain experiences through trials, and that we will be blessed as we have faith and hope in the Lord. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Miscarriage

It is one of the most painful (emotionally and physically), annoying, and depressing things. 

I have thought about what words I want to say about this topic. I'm so glad women are able to talk about it and show that we are not alone in our experiences. 

This is my second one this year. I never tested for pregnancy either time (it's a compromise for us to wait for the second missed period), but when your cycles are regular and then are 2-3 weeks late and you have awful cramps and heavy bleeding, I didn't need a test to know what I was losing. 

And it's hard. 

It's hard to know that you aren't having another baby, when you are beginning to desperately want another. 

It's hard to feel like you're broken, and there's nothing you can do about it. 

It's hard when you feel like it's the most important thing you could want. What could be more important than raising kids? Why am I not getting that blessing?


Through this experience, yes I've learned it's hard. I've also learned:

-The Lord loves me. 
-He knows what I'm experiencing, both emotionally and physically. 
-Our bodies are the most miraculous things. 
-Family is the most important thing. 
-I can do hard things. 
-The Lord knows best, and I need to trust his timing. 
-There is hope. 


It's amazing that a woman's body can assess a pregnancy and determine if it's viable. I don't know at what point spirits enter the body, nor do I know whether I will ever raise the babies I've lost at just a few weeks in utero, but I know God is in charge, and I'll trust Him.   

You never know how strong you are, until you are pushed to the limit. 


I know that one day I'll have more children, because the Lord has promised me that I will. He never breaks a promise. 


Miscarriage is hard and depressing, but when my rainbow baby comes, I will be so much happier for the struggle I went through. 

Friday, September 16, 2016

My God

My God is very mindful 
Of the person that I am. 
He's pushing me to do 
The very best that I can. 
Sometimes this life is harder
Than I ever thought it'd be. 
But my God, who watches over,
Blesses and cares for me. 
I don't always get the answers 
That I ask for when I pray
But God knows what I need
Before I even say. 
And when I come to Him in tears
He holds me in his arms
And tells me that He loves me so 
And makes me feel so warm. 
I know that he is watching. 
I know he feels my pain. 
But even through the sorrow 
There is so much I gain. 
Patience in my trials 
Courage to stand tall
Love to give to others 
My God is Lord of All.



------
That's the poem I wrote this morning. 

I've been really struggling lately.

We have been not preventing and waiting and trying for baby #2 since little E was 9 months old. 

Our story isn't as bad as other stories, but it's amazing how devastated one feels when you once again start a period. I don't know at what point it's considered secondary infertility, but I feel like that's the group I fit in right now. I wanted to be done having kids by 30 years old. I wanted 3 or 4. I'll never make it to that plan now. I'm almost 28 and I only have one. She is an adorable, wonderful, amazing, and very helpful girl, and I wouldn't change or trade her for the world, but I can honestly say now that I want another. 

I'm going to get honest. 

I am pretty sure I miscarried in March of this year. I was 2 weeks late, and had the worst cramps that almost rivaled contractions and had a long, heavy period. I won't know for sure, because I never took a test. (J seems to think that's what makes one sick during pregnancy. So our compromise is 2 missed periods before we test. (Or I think until I feel sick all the time. XD))

The hardest thing is being weeks late, waiting to take a test, and bleeding before you have the chance, knowing that if you were pregnant, you're not now. 

My story isn't as bad as those who wait through years and years of trying, but it still hurts EVERY TIME. But I know that God is mindful of us. Our sorrows are His sorrows. He knows what is best for us, and I'm trying to learn the patience that he is trying to teach me. I have the hope in his promise to me that I will bear more children. 

My God never lies. I trust Him, and I trust in His promises. One day, I know I will have more children. I am so glad He knows what each of us needs better than we do, and for that, I will be forever grateful. I just have to have faith and rely on His timing. 

Saturday, July 16, 2016

A month in...

Today marks one month since we drove down to Alabama. 

Things I love so far: 
- The clouds (they remind me of AZ clouds)
- The people (oh my goodness, I have never met such a friendly community since living in Lehi, AZ)
- The space (fields are everywhere! Houses are not crammed together. There's a lot less people than in DC)
- The stores (Sprouts, Smashburger, SONIC, and other stores I missed being close to. Hobby Lobby is nearby! And my new favorite/yet slightly awkward store is Publix. They have someone who will walk you out to your car and put the groceries in the car for you! As a mom, that is amazing. As an introvert… can you say awkward?)

Things I am not a fan of:
- Humidity (It's warmer than VA and wetter than AZ. But I can survive it so long as I'm not doing hard labor. Like moving.)
- Dixie Alley (no one told me this until I was here, but apparently they get tornadoes. And after looking online, the area is one of the highest in tornado damage cost. Excuse me while I go panic. )
- Distance (not really a bad thing, but I miss my Costco being 10 minutes away. I cry. It's a half hour there and another half hour back now. 


Overall, I am really happy. I honestly feel like this is where we are supposed to be, at least for right now. Thank heavens the Lord knows what He's doing. 





Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Moving on to newer things


It's been so long since I've posted anything. Over a year, I believe. It's hard to post when you feel like you don't do anything, and when you do you don't know what to say about it. I started several posts but never finished them. 

It's been an amazing 18 months here in Virginia. I have made some good friends in our ward, and it's been a great learning experience! 





















(Yes, that many pictures of Little E is necessary. It's always necessary. Haha)

Being in a military ward, I don't know how you members of the military do it. Moving across multiple states every couple of years! 

I couldn't have asked for a better area to be in for my first time living away from "home". 

But now it's time to say goodbye. 

Our new adventure is taking us to Huntsville, Alabama. It's a better job, and one where J can come to church with us! 

I will miss all of my new friends here, but I'm excited to be able to make new friends! 

Now to pack up the house in the next 3 weeks. O_O