I have thought about what words I want to say about this topic. I'm so glad women are able to talk about it and show that we are not alone in our experiences.
This is my second one this year. I never tested for pregnancy either time (it's a compromise for us to wait for the second missed period), but when your cycles are regular and then are 2-3 weeks late and you have awful cramps and heavy bleeding, I didn't need a test to know what I was losing.
And it's hard.
It's hard to know that you aren't having another baby, when you are beginning to desperately want another.
It's hard to feel like you're broken, and there's nothing you can do about it.
It's hard when you feel like it's the most important thing you could want. What could be more important than raising kids? Why am I not getting that blessing?
Through this experience, yes I've learned it's hard. I've also learned:
-The Lord loves me.
-He knows what I'm experiencing, both emotionally and physically.
-Our bodies are the most miraculous things.
-Family is the most important thing.
-I can do hard things.
-The Lord knows best, and I need to trust his timing.
-There is hope.
It's amazing that a woman's body can assess a pregnancy and determine if it's viable. I don't know at what point spirits enter the body, nor do I know whether I will ever raise the babies I've lost at just a few weeks in utero, but I know God is in charge, and I'll trust Him.
You never know how strong you are, until you are pushed to the limit.
I know that one day I'll have more children, because the Lord has promised me that I will. He never breaks a promise.
Miscarriage is hard and depressing, but when my rainbow baby comes, I will be so much happier for the struggle I went through.
