I thought that waiting 14 days to test to see if I was pregnant or not was the longest wait ever. I was not far off, but the week of waiting to see if the baby had grown at all over the course of the following week was the absolute worst.
For one week, I had no clue if the baby was growing. For a week, I did not know if I would start to miscarry. For a week, I waited to be able to see what happened.
Our appointment a week later, we did not know what to expect. We had been told that we were likely to miscarry. He was a specialist. How could we doubt?
The ultrasound was started, and the heartbeat was still there. Not only was it there, it was a little stronger. And the fetus had grown - almost two weeks of growth! It now measured 6 weeks and 6 days along, just barely a week younger than it should have been.
The doctor was hesitant to say that we were out of the woods, but he did offer his cautious optimism that all would work out, especially since I was starting to feel a little morning sickness. We were to come back in a week to see if it was continuing to grow, and then, if all was well, we would be transferred back to my regular OBGYN.
We returned, and the baby was continuing to grow, for which we were very grateful, and we were given a due date of April 7th, 2018.
We constantly prayed that all would go well with the pregnancy and that Baby would join us soon.
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
Life with infertility: Getting pregnant
July of 2017 saw us spending a lot of time at the fertility clinic. At least once a week, sometimes more.
We went in the middle of July to get intrauterine insemination done, as the hormones in my blood were indicating that I was getting ready to ovulate. My instructions were to take a pregnancy test 14 days after the procedure. That was one of the longest 14 days of my life.
That morning, I took a pregnancy test, and the line was very faint, but it was there. I was pregnant, but would it last? I had miscarried at about 6 weeks along twice already, so I didn't want to get my hopes up. After the test, we went to get more blood work done and make sure my hormone levels were good.
They were a little lower than I think they wanted, but they were in the range, and they were growing when I went back again. Our hopes were fairly high that this pregnancy would be successful. We set up an appointment with the fertility specialist to have an ultrasound at 7 weeks to make sure that everything was looking good.
At this point, I don't think I felt pregnant yet. I hadn't been hit with not wanting to eat or nausea. I wasn't super worried, though. We made it to the appointment and they started the ultrasound. Almost immediately, I could see the little fetus. It definitely had a heartbeat, but I was starting to tell the dr wasn't too pleased with what he saw.
After he turned the machine off, he had me get clothes back on before he came back in. He told us that the fetus was measuring around 5 weeks in size and had a slower heartbeat than he thought it should. In short, he told us to prepare to miscarry by the end of the week.
We. Were. Devastated.
We had seen the heartbeat. The baby was small, but alive. I couldn't go through a miscarriage again. And honestly, if I had, it might have broken me. We tried to keep it together leaving the office with our sweet little E, not sure what was happening. I asked for a blessing, if we could get someone to come help J give one.
The rest of the day I cried. I cried so hard, I regretted it the next day, because I had a major headache and puffy eyes. J kept saying, "Why did he have to show us the heartbeat?" I think that seeing him that sad and depressed was so hard, and it might have been the closest I've seen him to crying. (But don't tell him I said that.)
I posted on Facebook that afternoon asking for prayers from our family and friends. It was so hard to not be able to give details, but I am grateful to everyone that said a little prayer for us. That night, I got a blessing from him and the person he worked with for Deacon's Quorum/Scouts. I didn't know what would happen, but I had peace that everything would work out.
We went in the middle of July to get intrauterine insemination done, as the hormones in my blood were indicating that I was getting ready to ovulate. My instructions were to take a pregnancy test 14 days after the procedure. That was one of the longest 14 days of my life.
That morning, I took a pregnancy test, and the line was very faint, but it was there. I was pregnant, but would it last? I had miscarried at about 6 weeks along twice already, so I didn't want to get my hopes up. After the test, we went to get more blood work done and make sure my hormone levels were good.
They were a little lower than I think they wanted, but they were in the range, and they were growing when I went back again. Our hopes were fairly high that this pregnancy would be successful. We set up an appointment with the fertility specialist to have an ultrasound at 7 weeks to make sure that everything was looking good.
At this point, I don't think I felt pregnant yet. I hadn't been hit with not wanting to eat or nausea. I wasn't super worried, though. We made it to the appointment and they started the ultrasound. Almost immediately, I could see the little fetus. It definitely had a heartbeat, but I was starting to tell the dr wasn't too pleased with what he saw.
After he turned the machine off, he had me get clothes back on before he came back in. He told us that the fetus was measuring around 5 weeks in size and had a slower heartbeat than he thought it should. In short, he told us to prepare to miscarry by the end of the week.
We. Were. Devastated.
We had seen the heartbeat. The baby was small, but alive. I couldn't go through a miscarriage again. And honestly, if I had, it might have broken me. We tried to keep it together leaving the office with our sweet little E, not sure what was happening. I asked for a blessing, if we could get someone to come help J give one.
The rest of the day I cried. I cried so hard, I regretted it the next day, because I had a major headache and puffy eyes. J kept saying, "Why did he have to show us the heartbeat?" I think that seeing him that sad and depressed was so hard, and it might have been the closest I've seen him to crying. (But don't tell him I said that.)
I posted on Facebook that afternoon asking for prayers from our family and friends. It was so hard to not be able to give details, but I am grateful to everyone that said a little prayer for us. That night, I got a blessing from him and the person he worked with for Deacon's Quorum/Scouts. I didn't know what would happen, but I had peace that everything would work out.
Saturday, August 18, 2018
It's been a while...
It has been over a year since I updated this. To be honest, it's been a mix of growing a baby, birthing a baby, taking care of two kids, and working on my art "business."
And with all of that, updating here has not been my priority. I will not make any promises to keep up with everything. But I will try to update with our fertility journey.
And with all of that, updating here has not been my priority. I will not make any promises to keep up with everything. But I will try to update with our fertility journey.
Monday, July 10, 2017
Sometimes it's fine...
And sometimes it's not.
I'm sure all of my posts about having infertility issues have seemed probably more positive than most people would sound when they're dealing with health issues that cause them to not get one of the few things they want.
And overall, I usually am fine. I don't spend days crying. I don't wonder why this is happening to me every day. I don't even think about it sometimes, because I know this is a trial I need to go through and I'm just busy trying to learn what I need to learn.
Most of the time I can deal with it.
But sometimes, I get sucker-punched by a picture or a comment and all the emotions hit at one time. It's not pretty. It's not fun. But it's real. And it's what I, and many other people deal with.
I wonder what it will take to get pregnant. I wonder if I ever will get pregnant again.
It hurts, but sometimes it's okay to not be okay. And that's where I am. Sometimes I'm okay. Sometimes I'm not okay.
And that's okay.
I'm sure all of my posts about having infertility issues have seemed probably more positive than most people would sound when they're dealing with health issues that cause them to not get one of the few things they want.
And overall, I usually am fine. I don't spend days crying. I don't wonder why this is happening to me every day. I don't even think about it sometimes, because I know this is a trial I need to go through and I'm just busy trying to learn what I need to learn.
Most of the time I can deal with it.
But sometimes, I get sucker-punched by a picture or a comment and all the emotions hit at one time. It's not pretty. It's not fun. But it's real. And it's what I, and many other people deal with.
I wonder what it will take to get pregnant. I wonder if I ever will get pregnant again.
It hurts, but sometimes it's okay to not be okay. And that's where I am. Sometimes I'm okay. Sometimes I'm not okay.
And that's okay.
Tuesday, July 4, 2017
Infertility: An Update
I know I have people who are interested in staying updated with this journey I'm going on. I'm sure there are others who don't care. I want to document what's going on because infertility is not talked about enough.
We went to a consultation with the specialist about 3 or 4 weeks ago. We are in diagnostic phase, which means up till now we've really not done any treatment.
I had blood work done the end of June to check my hormone levels at the start of my cycle. They came back normal, so that's good news. It was a process getting the blood though. I was poked 4 times before they sent me to a lab. Darn my horrible veins. I'm still a little bruised on my left arm.
The next step was to get a Saline Infusion Sonohysterography to see if there were any issues with my uterine wall or Fallopian tubes.
I definitely have PCOS. My ovaries are enlarged, and I have a lot of cysts from follicles that have tried to ovulate and been unsuccessful. Besides that, everything else was normal.
So, we'll have to wait and see what happens next. I get more blood work done next week as well as another ultrasound to check "mid cycle" stuff. (With 5 - 6 week cycles, mid cycle is kind of hard to pinpoint.
Infertility is a lot of just waiting. It's difficult and not fun at all. Hopefully something will come from it, though. Now to just try and lose at least some of the weight that PCOS has brought on.
Happy Independence Day!
We went to a consultation with the specialist about 3 or 4 weeks ago. We are in diagnostic phase, which means up till now we've really not done any treatment.
I had blood work done the end of June to check my hormone levels at the start of my cycle. They came back normal, so that's good news. It was a process getting the blood though. I was poked 4 times before they sent me to a lab. Darn my horrible veins. I'm still a little bruised on my left arm.
The next step was to get a Saline Infusion Sonohysterography to see if there were any issues with my uterine wall or Fallopian tubes.
I definitely have PCOS. My ovaries are enlarged, and I have a lot of cysts from follicles that have tried to ovulate and been unsuccessful. Besides that, everything else was normal.
So, we'll have to wait and see what happens next. I get more blood work done next week as well as another ultrasound to check "mid cycle" stuff. (With 5 - 6 week cycles, mid cycle is kind of hard to pinpoint.
Infertility is a lot of just waiting. It's difficult and not fun at all. Hopefully something will come from it, though. Now to just try and lose at least some of the weight that PCOS has brought on.
Happy Independence Day!
Friday, June 16, 2017
A year
It's been one year since our family piled into our jam-packed little Corolla and drove the 10 hours (12 hours with stops) to the Huntsville, Alabama area.
So much has happened in that year: miscarriage, depression, joy, making friends, growing to love the members of our ward, infertility and possible PCOS, exploring the area with friends, and getting a second vehicle so we can have adventures.
Never before have I felt such a strong feeling of "THIS is where we are supposed to be at this time." When it comes to the jobs J gets, it feels like it's been, he gets a job because that's where Heavenly Father wants us, and I'm pretty easy going, so it's easy for me to go with it and feel like it's right. But this is the first time I've felt strongly that this is where we are supposed to be.
Will we be here in Alabama forever? Probably not, but you never know.
For now at least, it's where we are meant to be.
So much has happened in that year: miscarriage, depression, joy, making friends, growing to love the members of our ward, infertility and possible PCOS, exploring the area with friends, and getting a second vehicle so we can have adventures.
Never before have I felt such a strong feeling of "THIS is where we are supposed to be at this time." When it comes to the jobs J gets, it feels like it's been, he gets a job because that's where Heavenly Father wants us, and I'm pretty easy going, so it's easy for me to go with it and feel like it's right. But this is the first time I've felt strongly that this is where we are supposed to be.
Will we be here in Alabama forever? Probably not, but you never know.
For now at least, it's where we are meant to be.
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Life with Infertility - An Update
This experience is hard. It's a lot of waiting, and I'm starting to wonder if my lesson during this trial is to learn patience. This is just a short update, but I want to try and keep everyone who cares in the know for what's happening.
My regular OB/GYN referred us to a specialist (reporductive endocrinologist and fertility specialist) because my adrenal testosterone level was high.
We met with the specialist for a consult on Friday. He thought that the particular test they did doesn't show an accurate representation, because the test was done towards the end of my cycle when the androgen (testosterone) levels are normally higher. So, within the first 5 days of my next cycle, I have to call and go in to have the test done again. Yay.... more blood work.
We discussed our options for diagnosing and treating, and have decided to do one diagnostic test at a time. That means waiting, because things can only be done during certain times of my cycle.
This is when I really wish my cycles were shorter.
Yes, I could stay quiet about what's happening and only share when we get pregnant, if we get pregnant, but I know I'm not the only one struggling with infertility. I'm not the only one, and I want people to know that they're not the only ones suffering. It's okay to talk about it. It's okay to not feel okay about your struggles.
If you ever need someone to talk or vent to about how it sucks, I'm here.
My regular OB/GYN referred us to a specialist (reporductive endocrinologist and fertility specialist) because my adrenal testosterone level was high.
We met with the specialist for a consult on Friday. He thought that the particular test they did doesn't show an accurate representation, because the test was done towards the end of my cycle when the androgen (testosterone) levels are normally higher. So, within the first 5 days of my next cycle, I have to call and go in to have the test done again. Yay.... more blood work.
We discussed our options for diagnosing and treating, and have decided to do one diagnostic test at a time. That means waiting, because things can only be done during certain times of my cycle.
This is when I really wish my cycles were shorter.
Yes, I could stay quiet about what's happening and only share when we get pregnant, if we get pregnant, but I know I'm not the only one struggling with infertility. I'm not the only one, and I want people to know that they're not the only ones suffering. It's okay to talk about it. It's okay to not feel okay about your struggles.
If you ever need someone to talk or vent to about how it sucks, I'm here.
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